Archive for August, 2009

There was good news this week for the fledgling US F1 team with the announcement that its debut season will be sponsored by YouTube, a move that will bring all the values of the popular video sharing website to America’s 2010 Formula 1 entry.

The first corollary of the new deal will be seen in the advertising carried on the car which will move and flash annoyingly, but only down one side. This will leave the main body of the machine free to carry liveries that will reflect the content of YouTube itself. American sources say during the first race, for example, the front of the car could carry some almost unwatchable footage filmed illegally at a Justin Timberlake concert. By the next race, however, this will have been mysteriously removed but it will be replaced with a pointless image of a mildly inbred American teenager endlessly performing wheelies on a small bicycle which will in turn give way to some needlessly macabre images of air disasters inexplicably set to the theme tune from Knight Rider.

The YouTube link up also promises to have a unique effect on the way the entire team’s efforts are seen on television. Whilst the rest of the 2010 F1 pack can expect to be filmed using state of the art High Definition TV cameras, the US entry will be exclusively covered on a low quality mobile phone promising unmatched levels of wobbliness and the constant sound of some unseen people noisily whooping and giggling just out of shot.

Finally, as a tribute to their title sponsors it is expected that during busy parts of the race the US F1 cars will become annoyingly slow and then crash. Although they’d probably have done that anyway.

German leader Adolf Hitler sparked controversy again this week (in 1933) by appearing to praise F1 supremo Bernard Ecclestone as a man who could “get things done”.

Speaking in an interview with The Times, Mr Hitler said, “Terrible to say this I suppose, but Bernie was, in the way that he could command a lot of people, able to get things done”.

F1 groups were quick to damn the mono-testicled lunatics remarks as “insensitive” and “just plain wrong”. One team source added, “Mr Hitler should think before he makes such ridiculous remarks. Has he stopped to consider the untold suffering that Bernard Ecclestone has caused over the years or paused to reflect on the evil horrors he perpetrated across the world? And I’m not even talking about his daughter’s pathetic attempts to be a television presenter”.

In light of the outcry caused by his remarks, Mr Hitler was quick to apologise for any offence he might have caused. “I am extremely distressed and embarrassed that these remarks have been used as suggesting I support Bernard Ecclestone,” he said in a statement. “I just meant he was quite good at insisting that all the lorries in the paddock are lined up neatly. However, I do not support such a despicable person nor do I endorse his disgusting reign of terror”.

However, Mr Hitler’s apology may have come too late for many F1 followers. “Oh God, not Nazis and motorsport again,” said one ardent motorsport fan. “Still, at least it’s not that bloody clip from Downfall with some supposedly funny subtitles about Porsches or motorbikes run across the bottom. Jesus, that’s become less amusing than finding blood in your underpants”.