You will have heard today’s reports that I have been dismissed from Lotus. These allegations are false and have been spread by enemies of Premium Lifestyle Aspirational Premium Excellence who seek to undermine me because I have such nice hair. I am also capable of holding my breath for over 45 minutes.
Rest assured, I am still fully in control at Lotus. The only change to note is that The Five Year Plan will no longer be orchestrated from my office suite at Hethel. I did not like it which is why I ordered for my security pass to be deactivated and for my remaining possessions to be thrown into a skip. I am delighted to say that a great many of the staff agreed to assist in making this possible. I have retained the signed photograph of me and Mickey Rourke as a reminder of how much I inspired him. It is a fact that he decided to make The Wrestler after I told him how I invented the monorail.
From now on your messages of goodwill, your donations and your requests for my discarded skin should be sent to the new Five Year Plan Operational Office, c/o Norwich Airport Premier Inn. If I concentrate very hard, I can become mostly invisible.
Keep drinking the Kool-Aid.
Saint Dany of Bahar