After successfully making the top three drivers wear sponsored Stetsons at last weekend’s US Grand Prix, sources close to Formula 1 claim that patronisingly localised podium hats will become a fixture at all future races.
‘The cowboy hats were an inspired move in Texas,’ said one senior F1 insider. ‘They looked jaunty, they reminded casual TV viewers that the race was in America and they robbed the drivers of only a medium-sized amount of dignity.’
According to our mole, the clunkingly obvious hat policy will roll over to the last race of the season in Brazil where a range of crudely branded carnival-style headgear is already being prepared for the post-race celebrations. ‘After the on-stage interviews conducted by former drivers, we didn’t think we could make the podium any more awkward or embarrassing,’ our source crowed. ‘But I’m delighted to say we were wrong. ’
With the hat-orientated podium policy seemingly assured for the entire 2013 season, our source claims F1 bosses are already hard at work on the specific millinery idiocy for each race. ‘The strategy is coming together nicely,’ our mole insisted. ‘Bowler hats at Silverstone, keffiyehs in Abu Dhabi, turbans in India, those funny little Alpine hats with feathers in them for Germany and of course for Bahrain, the traditional blindfold and then a bag over the head whilst you are mercilessly beaten by the authorities.’
Sniff Petrol tried to contact Felipe Massa to see what he thought of the hat idea but Ferrari unconvincingly claimed that his phone was broken.