Crazy Dave on the 2013 Malaysian GP

Posted in Crazy Dave by Crazy Dave Coulthard on Tuesday, March 26th, 2013

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha with tha hee-diddily-ilights on tha Bee-biddy-Cee wit’ ma homie Eddie J an’ ma new shortie, Suzizzle Perrizzle. So las’ weekend we slide on over Sapang side fo’ tha  Malaysian Gee to tha Pee and man, it be as hot an’ wet as a laydee when she come back to Crazy D’s place. Tha honeyz can’t handle that much chrome an’ blackizzle leatherizzle.

So come the Big Q, it be spittin’ an’ shit which mean ma homies all be runnin’ wit’ tha intermizzle tyres an’ it be ma brethren Sebby V be slammin’ it on tha one slot ‘cept who this be on tha twos but ma so solid Filly M. Oh man, when that brother get good again? Comin’ up on the threes it be ma monobrow muthafunker Nando wit’ ma buddy Tha Ham on tha four hole while ma brother Jenny B be scrapin’ in on tha seven. Maybe switchin’ teams was a sensibizzle decizzle.

Come tha five light and flight, it be a whole mess of fun wit’ Nando slammin’ it past Filly M and ma homie M Web learnin’ how to use tha muthafluckin’ clutch fo’ once. But what this shit be goin’ down? Nando be doin’ tha carbon fibre kiss on Sebby V and now he front wing be wobblin’ like Ruby Bazzachello’s bottom lip. Tha homeboy gotta pit but he ain’t down wit’ that shit and next ting y’all know, he be gettin’ high on he’s own aero supply. Inexplicizzle team strategizzle.

Next ting, all them cats be pittin’ fo’ tha slizzle rubbizzle and ma absent minded homie Tha Ham be doin’ a drive-by on tha M C Laren crib. Man, Crazy D laugh so hard he almost leave a coin o’ shame on he’s tighty whitey jeans. Meanwhile, ma brother J.E.V. and that Francais funker Charlie P be gettin’ into a smackdown in tha pit lane. Man, that be unsafizzle relizzle.

But what this shee-at be goin’ down on track? Ma homie M Web be on tha one but that pointy finger muthalicker Sebby V be all up in he’s shit an’ ting, even though ma brother C Horn be tellin’ him to chill the fluck out. Next tin y’all know, Tha V has slammed it through and El Web be givin’ him tha single finger sign language. That be some bad karma fo’ Tha Svetster. Pole befo’ bros, homie. Not cool.

Tings jus’ as bad fo’ Tha Ham an’ ma blonde ass buddy Nicky Ros cuz they under some stringent ass team orders not to mess wit’ each otha. Interestizzle radio transmizzles.

Come tha wavy tablecloth, it be Sebby V on tha ones, M Web on tha twos wit’ L Ham on tha three slot but man, tha atmos in tha room be colder than tha ice pack Crazy D had to hold to he’s forehead and testicizzles. Tha Ham owe RozzyB a solid and as fo’ Webbo and Tha V-to-tha-T, those cats ain’t ever gonna be homeboys evah again. Multizzle twenty-wizzle.

Formula 1 has three weeks off now but remember to join us for live coverage of what promises to be a very intriguing Chinese Grand Prix from 7am on Sunday 14 April, only on BBC One and BBC One HD.

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