There was shock today at Williams as F1 bosses ordered deputy team principal Claire Williams to stop bringing warmth and humanity to the sport.
‘Formula 1 didn’t become the pinnacle of motorsport by appearing human and pleasant on television,’ said a spokesman for F1 management. ‘It did so by presenting viewers with an endless series of dull men talking humourlessly about technical detail and expressing little-to-no emotion in the face of success, and that’s exactly how it should stay.’
‘People do not tune in to Formula 1 for humanity,’ the spokesman continued. ‘They tune in for the thrill of watching a driver managing his fuel consumption and the buzz of hearing a middle aged man mirthlessly intoning the word ‘undercut’.’
Williams has been given 14 days to stop being chatty and endearing on TV with a warning that if she fails to comply, she will be ‘fired upon by Bernie’s space laser’.
