Stop press! Reitzle explodes!

Posted in From the archives by Sniff Petrol on Tuesday, August 12th, 2014

Wolfgang Reitzle, yesterday

Wolfgang Reitzle, yesterday

The car industry has been shocked by the news today (19 April) that Dr Wolfgang Reitzle, head of Ford’s Premier Automotive Group, has exploded.

Sources say the announcement made today (Friday) was as much a total shock to PAG insiders as to those outside the organisation, even though they’re ‘glad to see the back’ of ‘the old nutcase’. Reitzle is believed to have formally exploded earlier this week but management withheld the news until today (today) to give them time to clear up the mess.

Dr Reitzle enjoyed a long and successful career, primarily at BMW where he was responsible for the dynamic excellence of cars such as the E36 3-series and also for the decision to revamp the canteen with a range of soups. He was also instrumental in BMW’s scheme to completely bugger up Rover and then write it off against tax.

Ford were delighted when, in 1999, the six times winner of Precision Moustache Wearer of the Year agreed to head up their prestige arm which encompasses many famous brands including Jaguar, Volvo, Campbell’s Concentrated Soup, Aston Martin, Lincoln, Heinz Big Soup, Land Rover and Cup-a-Soup. The reasons behind Dr Reitzle’s explosion are, as yet, unclear, but insiders suggest it may have something to do with soup.

ERRATUM: Due to problems with our complex spell checking system it seems that the word ‘exploded’ has appeared in the article above. We now accept that this should have read ‘resigned’.

This story was originally published in April 2002

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