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Right, now no one is getting ice cream shouts Wolff

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Wolff driving back from Spa, yesterday
Wolff driving back from Spa, yesterday

Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg are not getting any ice cream now and there’s no point crying about it. That’s the decree of exasperated Merc F1 boss Toto Wolff following a tense journey back from the Belgium Grand Prix this week during which the two drivers were said to have ‘bickered constantly’ in the back seat of the overloaded GL63 whilst Wolff was ‘trying to concentrate on the road’. As a result that afternoon’s promised sweet treat was eventually withdrawn as the car passed Bruges.

Mercedes insiders say Wolff was so exhausted by the ‘very naughty behaviour’ that he has now placed this weekend’s promised outing to Chessington World of Adventures under threat unless the two drivers are on ‘best behaviour’ and do their part to ‘help tidy up the factory’.

Team sources say this week’s back seat battling began almost as soon as Wolff’s Mercedes left the Spa circuit as Hamilton was heard to shout, ‘Totoooo. He’s saying he did it deliberately again.’ Rosberg then countered by claiming that Hamilton was ‘pulling faces’ and kept ‘bringing up the accident’ as Wolff was trying to negotiate the one way system in Spa town centre.

Our spies say even the withdrawal of ice cream privileges was not enough to stop the drivers fighting and Wolff was eventually forced to call Uncle Niki who told them to ‘stop this bullshit’ and warned that the next one to speak would ‘get the unlucky car’ for Monza.