Alonso ‘won’t stop talking about American things’

Posted in Motorsport, News by Sniff Petrol on Thursday, May 11th, 2017

Fernando Alonso, yesterday

There was unrest in the McLaren pit today with news that Fernando Alonso won’t stop talking about American things.

‘Oh my God, it’s so boring,’ complained one anonymous team insider. ‘All he keeps saying is “did you know in America they do this” and “hey, you know in America they don’t do that” and then rolling down his overalls so that everyone can see that while he was in America he bought an Empire Strikes Back T-shirt.’

Sources say the Spanish driver has been walking around the paddock in Barcelona telling anyone who will listen about a film he saw while in America and which “isn’t out here for ages” and showing off his new Transformers toy which “you can’t get in the shops here”.

Spies inside McLaren hospitality add that the double world champion was seen at breakfast today loudly explaining that American cereal ‘has marshmallows in it’ before adding, ‘you know they call fizzy drinks “soda”, it’s so cool’.

‘Frankly, I think a lot of what he’s saying isn’t even true,’ grumbled one senior McLaren insider. ‘I mean, he even claims that in America their Honda engines work properly.’

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