FIA decides Vettel punishment

Posted in Motorsport, News by Sniff Petrol on Tuesday, July 4th, 2017

The FIA logo, yesterday

After a special meeting on Monday to review Sebastian Vettel’s actions during the Azerbaijan Grand Prix, the FIA has concluded that the German driver is to be punished by having to read everyone’s opinions of his punishment on the internet.

‘We have carefully studied Sebastian’s incident with Lewis Hamilton in Baku,’ explained FIA spokesperson Effy Hay-Spowkespersson. ‘And we feel the most appropriate penalty we can impose is to sit him in front of a computer and make him read the endless self-righteous pontificating of armchair blog bores.’

‘Yes, we know this is extremely severe,’ Hay-Spowkespersson continued. ‘But we hope that Sebastian will have time to reflect on his recent behaviour as he slumps in front of a laptop scrolling through an apparently infinite number of self-elected experts relentlessly wanking on about bringing the sport into disrepute.’

Sources within the Ferrari team say Vettel could appeal against the FIA’s decision to make him read an unstoppable tide of pompous opinions and may ask for a less terrible punishment such as a race ban, licence suspension or being allowed to claw his own eyes out with a fork.

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