By 2040 everyone should just calm the fuck down

Posted in News by Sniff Petrol on Wednesday, July 26th, 2017

A stock photo, yesterday

In a surprise move, the government has today announced that by 2040 everyone should just calm the fuck down.

‘We will confirm further details of the plan in due course,’ explained environment spokesman, Ken Vironment-Spoesman. ‘But for now, I can confirm that 2040 is fucking ages away and everything will probably be okay.’

Under the terms of the plan, it’s believed that the Government intends for its proposal to be completely mis-reported to sound much worse than it is, and that the draft legislation will contain phased targets for ill-informed moronic panic before a final deadline of 2040, by which time everyone should just calm the fuck down.

‘Let me be clear, we are not going to ban existing mindless panic about things that are going to happen anyway,’ Mr Vironment-Spoesman continued. ‘But if people don’t show signs of calming the fuck down, we may have to look at more drastic measures such as telling everyone on Twitter to put a fucking sock in it.’

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