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Sniff Petrol is taking a break this week which means no new things on this website until Monday  13 September.

In the meantime, don’t forget the superb Gareth Jones on Speed podcast which features mostly irrelevant and irritating involvement from Sniff Petrol. However, if you download the latest episode you will find, probably with some delight, that Sniff Petrol was not involved at all, thereby upping the quality by 87 percent.

If you’re really bored during a lull in activity on this website, you might also like to buy a Dab Of Oppo T-shirt, produced by our friends at Slick Attire in celebration of Sniff Petrol’s most pretentious contributor, Troy Queef.

If you’re really, really bored you might also like to know that Sniff Petrol has a Facebook fan page, which will give you notice when something new appears on the website, and a rather inert discussion forum, which won’t.

See you next week.

Sniff

There was shock across the world today after a High Court ruling finally allowed popular Top Gear racing driver The Stig to reveal his identity.

‘I was frankly shocked,’ said one Top Gear fan outside the court room. ‘I had no idea it was… sorry, what’s his name?’

Other fans of the BBC motoring show were equally aghast at the news. ‘I couldn’t believe it!’ wrote one contributor to a Top Gear discussion forum. ‘To think all this time it was a bloke whose name I’ve only just been told but now can’t remember!’

However, some Top Gear viewers were less easily confused. ‘I knew all along it was Lewis Collins,’ said one ardent Top Gear enthusiast. ‘He was quite good at driving in The Professionals and his drumming with Genesis was great. No, wait, who were we talking about again? Bootsy Collins?’

Meanwhile, other fans were less certain. ‘It’s Pauline Collins out of Shirley Valentine?’ wrote one confused fan on a BBC message board. ‘God, that race suit really covered up how small and Liverpudlian she is. And that she’s almost 70 years old. Fair play to her.’

Despite the confusion, the thoughts of all Top Gear viewers seemed to be summed up by one anonymous contributor to a news discussion group. ‘The revelation about this Joan Collins person is amazing,’ they wrote. ‘I look forward to being able to buy a book all about someone I have never heard of and in whom I have literally no interest whatsoever.’

There were mass protests in the United States this week over plans to build a brand new Formula 1 track on American soil.

‘We don’t want this kinda thing round these parts,’ said one man who lives close to the site of the proposed track. ‘This here is America. These Eur-o-peens can’t jus’ walk in and build some fancy race track with “corners” and other things I don’t understand and am therefore afraid of.’

Other locals were equally outraged; ‘Building a Formula 1 track here is insensitive to those we’ve lost in NASCAR,’ said a lady carrying a large placard that read simply ‘God made ovals for a reason’.

‘I read about this F1 business and let me tell you this: High revvin’ engines? Carbon fibre? These things ain’t natural and we don’t want ‘em here. I don’t even wanna know what a “Parc Ferme” is but it sounds spicy and disgusting.’

Other protesters seemed equally angry, though some were clearly also confused. ‘No right thinking American would want a part of this F1 thing except that Michael Andretti and I heard he was a Muslim,’ said one toothless loony. ‘No, wait, not “a Muslim”. I meant “shit”.’