Archive for the ‘Crazy Dave Coulthard’ Category

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ on strong wit’ tha fierce flava of Red Bull. Full o’ energy like fizzy crack. So we is layin’ it smooth on Espana and Crazy D, he slap it on the 17 spot in qualifay. Nice an’ slow, yea. Bu’ then come tha lightshow and tha D, he be workin’ his moves when ma man Ady Sutil, he gimme the smackdown. No shit. Crazy D, he ain’t beat though, yea he be back like a cat until ma homeboy Da Glock, he slice me down the side. Hot damn. Wha’ppnin’ bloods? Crazy D, this be goin’ on to he like fo’ times this year. Tha’s why Crazy D ain’t Crazy D no more. From now on, he be call CAPTAIN MAGNETIC. Yea. And if anyone would care to disagree with this I will of course be happy to kick three colours of shit out of them.

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ on strong wit’ tha phat flava of Red Bull. Taste like tha shit yo walk through in a public swimming pool. Yea. So tha cats in tha paddock, they be sayin’ that ma man Nando, he be down on tha’ Renault. Word on tha street say he be goin’ to tha’ Ferrariay. Shee-it! Crazy D, he don’ know what Nando be thinkin’, maaan. No way he shoulda be movin’ from a team of he own free will. He wanna do what Crazy D do. Jus’ stay, like, way too long at a team tha’s got championship winnin’ potential until they get rid o’ him, then get fly wit’ tha midfield. Fo’ sho’. Of course, if I was Flavio Briatore I would express my displeasure by kicking three colours of shit out of him.

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave back in tha full effect wit’ tha phat flava of Red Bull. Taste like tha seats in a home fo’ tha elderly. Yea. So, we is back like a cat wit’ tha F1 ’08, and Crazy D, he mixin’ it up mad style, know wha’am sayin’? So las’ week in Malaysiay Crazy D, he smack down in tha nine slot. Yea. Gotta keep dodgin’ tha’ points. Yo catch me blood? Smooth and low. Bu’ back in Australiay, tings not so fly, when tha man Phil Massay, he step to Crazy D and tha’ shit got ugly. It was bad man. And I don’ mean good. I mean, like, bad. Yea. Crazy D, he outta tha’ race. Hot damn. And that cat, he ain’t gonna say no sorry. Tha’s disrespectful man. Shee-it! I may therefore be forced to action my earlier promise with regard to kicking three colours of shit out of him.

Thanks to everyone who has supported this site in the past year.

Have a very happy holidays.

Sniff Petrol will return in February.

(Yea, I know. Lazy lazy bastard)

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha wit’ tha phat vibes of Red Bull. Taste like tha ceiling in an abandoned dental practise. So las’ weekend we slide over Italian-style fo’ tha Monza G-ta-tha-P. All tha brothaz, they be chattin’ about Nando an’ Da Ham, but mad props fo’ ma man Jenny B cuz he stick in tha ten slot on tha grid. Yea. Crazy D, he jus’ lay back and watch from tha’ back. Fo’ sho’. Come tha’ light show it all happenin’, but Crazy D, he got bad shit goin’ on. I is in tha wall man. An’ lemme tell ya ladies, Tha D ain’t used ta goin’ off early, know wha’am sayin’. Yea. Fortunately, I was subsequently able to retire to my motor home to continue reading my excellent new autobiography, It Is What It Is, which is in all good bookshops now. 

Och aye tha noo muthafuckas! Crazy Dave in full effect wit’ tha wack smell o’ Red Bull. And Diet Red Bull, if yo’ got tha weight issues like Crazy D back in tha day. So, las’ weekend we slide on Turkey style an’ all tha bruthas, they be chattin’ about Ronnie D’s homies at tha M-ta-tha-C cuz they been dissin’ each otha an’ shit. But Crazy D, he don’ care ‘bout that cuz he gotta more serious problem wit’ ma man Nando. See, that cat, he show up ‘Standbul side wit’ tha muthafuckin’ beard. What that shit ‘bout? I warn that brutha befo’, yo’ can’t have no beard unless yo’ roll like Crazy D. Yea, mid-fuckin’-field. Of course, by the time of the actual race Fernando had taken the time to have a shave, possibly using my excellent range of Pole Position male grooming products.

Och aye tha noo muthafuckas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha wit’ tha wickidiwack flava of Red Bull. Taste like tha shit them use to clean tha beer pipe in a pub. So we is on tha summer break fo’ tha F1 and Crazy D, he get them talkin’ wit’ ma bulimiay problem, back in tha day. But I gotta tells yo, there be one part o’ Crazy D tha’s never been painfully thin. Yea, tha ladies know wha’ I be chattin’ about. Fo’ sho’. But it ain’t all about tha D cuz ma homies Nando and Da Ham been dissing each otha. Word on tha street is that Nando, he don’t wanna go join Da Ham an’ Ronnie D on holidayay. Tha’s bad shit man. Of course, if Alonso was simply looking for reasonably priced accommodation he could have checked into my hotel on Sherwood Business Park in Nottingham.

Och aye tha noo muthafuckas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha wit’ tha phat flava of Red Bull. Taste like fizzy power steering fluid. So we’s slide over Deutch side fo’ tha’ Euro P GP an’ tha weatha, it be bad. An’ I don’ mean in a good way. Fo’ sho’. Come tha’ light show, we is all outta control, ma man Jenny B, he got bad shit goin’ on and Da Ham, that homeboy lucky not ta get whacked. But Crazy D, he got it all under control, know wha’ sayin’? Cuz, like, I is good in wet conditions, and I ain’ talkin’ about wit’ tha honeys. Yea. Ma homie Webman take it ta tha podiay and tha D bring it home in tha five slot. Tha’s what yo call a comfortable result. Much like the comfortable results that can be achieved by shaving with my Pole Position range of grooming products.

Och aye that noo muthafuckas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha wit’ tha mad bad Bull dat’s Red. Smell like tha inside of a doctor’s bag. So tha D back in ma hood fo’ tha GP GB. Yea. An’ ev’ry homie and ho on tha block, they be watching ma man Da Ham cuz they say he gonna stick it in tha one slot fo’ tha race. But that shit don’t go down, and they be sayin’ tha’ Da Ham, he be disappointin’. Fo’ sho’. Crazy D, he don’t know what them be fussin’ about. I be doin’ tha disappointin’ shit fo’ years. Damn straight. However, there’s no need to feel disappointment in your daily shaving regime with my superb range of Pole Position grooming products.

Och aye that noo muthafuckas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha wit’ the mad phat flava of Red Bull. Smell like da shit dey use to hose down a crime scene. Yea. So Crazy Dave, he slide on over French side and he tell da press he as good as Da Ham. Those cats, they don’t like that shit, but Crazy D he got it goin’ on. And he prove it fo’ sho’ cuz come race time he deliver maximum smackdown, no diggety. Da Ham, he want number 1, he get number 3. But Crazy D, he get both wit’ a big fat 13th place. Tha’s jus’ the way I slide. However, if you simply want your razor to slide smoothly over your face then try my Pole Position shaving foam.