Archive for the ‘Crazy Dave Coulthard’ Category

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha with L’il Eddie J on tha Bee Bee Cee. Oh maaaan, it like he borrow he shirts off Pat Butcher. Hot damn. So las’ week we slide on over Singapo’ side and tha boy Nando, he stick it on tha one slot fo’ tha go. Nex’ day, tha boy Sebby V, he be all hot an’ heavy wit’ that shit when tha lights go out. That don’ be a problem fo’ Crazy D. When he be wit’ a lady, he take it nice an’ slow, know wha’am sayin’? Smooov. Nando, he be all up on that shit and Sebby V, he ain’t getting’ nowhere. That be some bad ass mature racecraft. Unlike ma buddy Da Ham who be making a bad smack down, again. An’ when Crazy D say ‘bad’, he be meaning in tha sense of ‘shit’. Furthermore, please do remember that there is more in-depth discussion of every race in the F1 Forum on the red button, only from the BBC.

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha standin’ next to ma buddy Eddie J on tha Bee to tha Bee to tha Cee. Oh man, how many cheap tablecloths he cut up to make that shirt? So las’ weekend we slide on over Italiano style fo’ tha Monza Gee Pee and ma man Jenny B, he be in tha game man, slammin’ his junk down on tha two slot fo’ the get go. An’ when tha reds be goin’ out he lay some cool shit on Nando and Filly M and he be out in front while ma boy Tha Ham be mixing up some phat errors and takin’ he self down. So Tha B-man, he be lookin’ good to take tha one slot fo’ tha race but then he got to stop fo’ tha rubbers and that let tha Nando through. It be some bad shit man. That not be a problem fo’ Crazy D cuz I always make sure I got tha rubbers on hand, know wha’am sayin’ laydeez? Yea. Viewers in the UK should remember that after every race we host the F1 forum which they can also watch through the excellent BBC Formula 1 website.

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha standin’ next to ma buddie Eddie J on tha Bee to tha Bee to tha Cee. Oh man, he look like he borrowed he glasses off Deidre muthafunkin’ Barlow. So las’ weekend we slide on Spa side fo’ tha Belgian GeePee. Fo’ sho’. And man, it be wet. As wet as tha laydeez be when Crazy D wear his tight white jeans. Yea. Tha D Man, he like to keep tha merchandise at tha front of tha store. Know wha’am sayin’? So ma man Jenny B, he be havin’ a few issues out there, but what he don’t expect is fo’ one of those issues to be Tha Vettmeister stickin’ he nose in. And I be talkin’ literally, right into tha side of Tha B Man’s ride. That be some ill shit right there. I ain’t seen nuthin’ like that shit fo’ some time. As tha Whit Man be sayin’, it like some fucked up junior formula shit goin’ on. Fo’ shiz. Of course, if you enjoy other formulas of motorsport, don’t forget to follow my exploits driving for Mercedes-Benz in the exciting DTM series.

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha standin’ next ta Eddie J on tha BBC. Oh man, he jus’ talkin’ ’bout himself again. So this weekend we slide on over Hungary side and ma buddy Rubey B, he sure be pissed. He say Mickey Schu be runnin’ him into tha wall when they be fightin’ fo’ tha ten slot. Now Crazy D, he know all about that shit from back in tha day, and I be chattin’ about tha day when Tha Schu not be whack. So tha D, he be totally down wit’ Rubey’s shit and ting. Me think Tha Schu be a total dick too. Yea. We do of course discuss all the current issues in Formula 1 in the F1 Forum on the red button after each race, only from the BBC.

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha in my white disco troosers. So all da layddez can check out tha merchandise. Yea. So this weekend we slide on over German side. When I say Hock, you say Enheim. Yea baby. And there be some bad shit goin’ down in tha land of Deutsch. So all them cats in tha paddock, they be chattin’ about ma boy Nando. They say he be takin’ advantage of tha team orders man and that ma buddy Filly M should have taken tha one slot. Ma bro Eddie J, he get so mad about this, he about to have a bad ass seizure an’ shit. But Crazy Dave, he ain’t so bothered. Team orders, they be happnin’ all tha time man. Crazy D, he still remember getting that radio smackdown fo’ ma brother MikHak down on Oz side. That shit stings man, but if yo don’t believe it still go on, well you jus’ ain’t as street as ol’ Crazy Dave. Know wha’am sayin’? Since you ask, I bought them from a little shop in Monte Carlo, just off Boulevard de Moulins. Ask for Laurent.

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha standin’ next ta Eddie J on tha BBC. Oh man, he dress like a Latvian pimp again. So this weekend we sly on over to tha Stone that is Silver fo’ the British Gee ta tha Pee. An’ ma buddy Sharky Mark, he feeling dissed by the Bull that be Red cuz tha team they be favouring ma man Sebby V. Tha’s some bad shit right there. But Tha Shark, he ain’t gonna quit cuz he be from Australia and he be used to cookin’ outside and walkin’ across the desert in da flippy de flops an’ shit. So he tough. When da lights go out, he be on that bee-atch an’ Sebby V, he got some other shit to deal wit’ cuz ma homie De Ham, he give he a burst rubber. Take it from Crazy D, yo don’t want yo rubber goin’ pop at the wrong time. Know wha’ I’m sayin’? With Sebby V out tha frame, Tha Shark, he on it man. He slide it in smooth on tha one slot from lights to flag. And then he take that trophy and he shove it up Da Horner man’s ass. Fo’ sho’. Crazy Dave, he gone. Peace out. Although please do remember that you can access additional coverage and analysis on the interactive red button after every race, only on the BBC.

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha on tha all new Sniff Petrol. Fo’ shizzle. So wha’appnin’ in tha Formula 1? Well ma man Mark Da Shark be slidin’ along behind Kov To Tha Lov and he be all up in he face an’ shit when Tha Kov he pull some crazy brakin’ shee-it. Well Da Shark, he ain’t got nowhere to go but up. That some crazy flyin’ shit right there. I ain’t seen such mad skillz since ma bro Marty B do his acrobatics in Australia back in tha day. And yet Da Shark, he jus’ stride away. Respec’. He one muthafuckin’ cool customer. And don’t forget to press the red button on your remote for more post-race analysis, only from the BBC.

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha sippin’ on any canned drink he muthafuckin’ wanna. But man, I still can’t get rid o’ the taste o’ Red Bull. Feel like I been chewin’ on a dentist’s chair. Hot damn. So Crazy D, he be outta tha F1 racin’ but I jus’ stopped by to advise y’all tha’ ma Crazy D T-shirts be still on sale. Yea. An’ if you wanna slide on Sniff Petrol stylee this summer, they now be down to jus’ £12 each. Tha’s some bad ass need to clear remainin’ stocks. Shee-it. Peace out brothers. Although before I go I did want to clarify once again that Sniff Petrol’s David Coulthard T-shirts are now reduced in price to a very reasonable £12.
OCH AYE THA CLICK HERE to buy a T-shirt

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha fo’ one las’ time wit’ tha wicked flava of Red Bull. Actually, come to think of it, tha shit taste fuckin’ disgusting. So this be it, Crazy D he run his last race in tha Formula they be callin’ One. An’ you know what? Tha D, he leave tha thang tha way he wanna be remembered. Crashing out on tha first lap and then makin’ a low an’ slow walk back to tha’ pit. Yea. That be Crazy D style, fo’ sho’. It all been off tha hook man, but now it be time to do wha’ a lotta people said he should be doin’ when he at McLaren and getting’ the fuck outta here. Peace out homies, peace out.

Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha wit’ tha great smell o’ Red Bull. Splash it on all over. An’ then get attacked by wasps. No way. So we slide on over Belgique side an’ Crazy D, he take it smooth an’ low. Yea. He stick it nice in qualifyay, tuck up on tha fo’teen slot cuz tha’s the way he roll. Medium pace. Then on tha Sundayay Crazy D he chilled like Crystal fo’ tha race. Yea. But when tha work be done, everyone they ain’t be chattin’ ‘bout how Crazy D keep it jus’ outside tha top ten again, they jus’ be sayin’ how ma man Da Ham be dissed by tha F-to-tha-I-to-tha-A ‘cuz they give he a penaltyay fo’ cuttin’ wit’ Tha Kimster. That be bad shit man. No one know why this crap be goin’ down. Perhaps it is because the governing body of F1 is a complete shower of useless wankers.