Archive for the ‘Random cack’ Category

As many Sniff Petrol correspondents, mostly American ones, have noted, this website does not carry advertising. They agree that this is A Good Thing. But hang on a sec. What if you enjoy Sniff Petrol but feel it would be enhanced if at some point in monthly proceedings the weak jokes and poorly Photoshopped pictures were interrupted by shameless attempts to hawk sub-standard goods? Well worry no more because this bit you’re reading now is here to help with some frankly embarrassing attempts to thrust stuff upon you.

Firstly, Sniff Petrol has written a Top Gear spin-off book. It’s called The Big Book of Top Gear and it’s full of mild gaggery, much like the nonsense you find on this website. So much so in fact that some devoted – and frankly mental – hardcore Top Gear fans seem to find it a bit weird. Recommendations don’t come any better than that. You can buy the book from amazon.co.uk

Secondly, a while back Sniff Petrol set up a Facebook Group, quite a lot of people then joined and everything seemed rather jolly. Except that, as it turns out, too many people clicked to become part of the group and as a result it smashed through some faintly unfair Facebook threshold, beyond which you can no longer send a message to each member telling them when a new issue is on line. Turns out if you want to alert a large number of Facebookians about a monthly website update you need to create a ‘Fan Page’ rather than a ‘Group’, so that’s what we’d done. You can join it here. Oh yes.

Finally, and also on a Facebookery theme, someone – not Sniff Petrol – has set up an appreciation page for everyone’s favourite helmsmith hack, Troy Queef. You can join that by applying a dab of clicko here. Funny that no one has set up a Facebook page for Carcoat Damphands.

With thanks to Goto10 for this one.

If you like Sniff Petrol and Top Gear then there’s quite literally a good chance that you’ll like a new book written by the bloke behind this website. It’s called the Big Book of Top Gear and it’s packed full of nonsense about the TV show, some of it involving lame gags re-hashed from Sniff Petrol itself.

You can buy a copy by making with the click upon these words here. Ithangyoo.

If it sells enough maybe we can get it reprinted so that an increasingly bitter Sniff Petrol actually gets a proper writing credit for all the months of work that went into it instead of a lousy ‘thanks to…’ mention in the back. Yea, cheers.

Remember people, a shameless cash-in book is for life, not just for father’s day. That’s why the latest chunky and easy-to-read-whilst-having-a-poo publication from the bloke behind this website (and his friend Giles) is still on sale in all good bookshops. It’s called My Dad Wished He Had One Of Those and it’s a reasonably affectionate trot through some of the Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Jaguars and other posh things that your old man couldn’t afford when you were growing up.

If you fancy a copy, and if the idea of doing us out of a few pence in royalties slightly arouses you, why not order it from amazon.co.uk by CLICKING THESE WORDS.

That is all.

Listen up Sniff Petrol fans (who like reading and pictures of old cars a bit). The bloke behind this website has a brand new book in the shops now. Pay particular attention if you’re my mate Phil and you previously assumed that this was all just another ‘joke story’, you thick twat.

Anyway, the book is called MY DAD WISHED HE HAD ONE OF THOSE and it’s a right old romp through all the fast, expensive, exotic or just simply weird cars that your father might have fantasised about when he was washing his Cortina.

If you would like to buy this book do some clicking upon THESE WORDS now.

Now whilst some websites will attempt to make money by plugging other people’s shoddy products, rest assured that Sniff Petrol will not entertain such tawdry behaviour. No, this website will only plug our own shoddy products, most of which make no money whatsoever. Except for the books.

Ah yes, and speaking of which, there’s a new book coming out by The Bloke Who Does This Website. It’s a follow up to last year’s My Dad Had One Of Those (which we somehow completely forgot to mention on this site) and is called, rather brilliantly, My Dad Wished He Had One Of Those. It’s basically a run down of the really cool cars your old dad dreamt about in the ‘60s, ‘70s and ‘80s, featuring lots of ace period photos and some silly text about each one. The book that will come to be known as MDWHHOOT by almost no one will be published on 29 May but if you’re feeling both excitable and keen to do me out of a few pence of royalties, you can pre-order a copy and save a few quid by visiting amazon.co.uk now.

Secondly, although Sniff Petrol has gone back to monthly issues, please remember that the excellent Gareth Jones On Speed podcast (featuring lots of irritating butting in from an often quite squiffy Sniff Petrol) still comes up with fresh material every 10 days or so. Now that’s a proper work ethic for you. Click upon these words to fill your ears with car-based pleasure.

Thirdly, Sniff Petrol now has an official Facebook group. I don’t know why this is good, it just seemed like a clever idea last weekend. If you become a member you’ll get a message telling you there’s a new issue up and if I can get round to it I might post up some exclusive pictures and stuff that have never made it onto the site proper. Or I might forget. Who knows. Take your chances on that one by joining up at the click of this orange text.

Oh yea, and finally… Sniff Petrol doesn’t normally get involved in politics but we ought to mention that if you live in London please don’t forget to vote in the Mayoral elections on 1 May. We don’t care who you vote for, just for God’s sake get that car-hating cat-voiced twat out of office.

Oh dear God, he’s joined some sort of weird colour-matched pop combo.

(Don’t worry, he hasn’t really formed a hideous Germanic version of Steps to mount a Ross Brawn engineered assault on Eurovision. This photo is actually from three years ago and shows him finishing a beach volleyball match in Australia. Hang on a minute, that’s just as SODDING WEIRD. And why are they wearing microphones? No one wants to hear Barrichello grunting like a sex pest.)

Thanks to Joey Daytona for the picture

CAR magazine launched its revamped website this week, and very smart it is too. Among the exciting new features is a panel which shows, in a slightly arty way, the most popular searches made by visitors to the site. Now clearly this is a new thing so someone at CAR had set the ball rolling by filling the space with the names of some interesting, expensive cars, the kind that a marketing nobber might say were appealing to the dynamic, affluent, ABC1 audience he was looking for. Unfortunately, precisely because this is a new thing, it wouldn’t take too many actual searches to change the popularity listing…

Yeeees, Vanquishes, TTs, all the kind of premium cars an upscale magazine would look for to create the right impression for its websi… hang on a sec… Daihatsu Applause? Sao Penza? Toyota Picnic? Someone’s filling the popular searches board with rubbish cars from the 1980s and ’90s! Either that or CAR’s readers are distinctly less affluent and considerably more mental then anyone might have thought. Still, this sub-minicab nonsense will go away in a second…

… and oh dear God look what’s replaced it. Unless CAR online really does aim to be a valuable source of information about ‘TWATS’ and ‘bum gravy’. In which case, EMAP must be relieved to have got out while the going was good. Still, this is just a momentary glitch. Refresh the page and all will be well…

…although when I said ‘well’ what I actually meant was ‘worse’. In fact the popular searches feature seems to be spinning out of control. Of course, it’s always a possibility that CAR readers really do want less on Lamborghinis and a lot more excellent features about ‘Dame Thora Hird’, ‘anal leakage’ and ‘prostitutes in the Ipswich area’. In which case, I wouldn’t want to work on their road test desk.

Suffice to say, the CAR online ‘most searched’ section has now been removed.