Not every fortnight for much longer, every fortnight
BIRMINGHAM MOTOR SHOW
All the hot new model arrivals from the Midlands' premier celebration of cars and vinegary smells
MG stunned Birmingham show goers with its new SV supercar. But whilst observers were wowed by the striking looks and 200mph potential designer Steven Peters revealed that there was even more to come. 'I definitely think we can fit more slats on it somewhere,' the moustachioed pencilman announced. 'In the time we had to develop the car we've done a pretty good job, especially since someone found those two old central heating radiators out the back of the workshop at Longbridge and we welded them into the front wings. But I'm not entirely happy that there are still parts of bodywork with almost no grilles, slats or holes in them. Give us a few more weeks and the SV will definitely get slattier.' Spies within MG Rover HQ have even suggested that designers are already working on a radical new slatted windscreen although plans for a final slat offensive have stalled. 'We just can't seem to make the air stay in,' said a Pirelli spokesman.
SCOOP! An early attempt to get more slats on
No British Motor Show would be complete without the unveiling of another TVR with quite a large engine and a price tag of somewhere around �35,000 - �45,000. This year the British sports car maker didn't let us down as it showed the new T350C coupe, based on the Tamora roadster. 'We thought about doing something different but we couldn't be arsed. You can never have too many cars of almost identical size, price and performance in your range,' a spokesgit spluttered. 'Of course, there are some radical changes with this one,' he continued. 'It's got NASA spec componentry, aircraft grade wiring and hoses, over one million miles of development testing under its belt and will be offered with a five year unlimited mile warranty�.. Ha ha ha! Just kidding! Ah, has anyone got any sticky tape?'
The facelifted Subaru Impreza made its UK debut at Birmingham, to the alarm of car scientists. 'Yes the new model is better looking,' noted Dr Arby Fyve. 'But I notice that the STi's bonnet scoop has got bigger again. At this rate of constant growth I predict dire problems for the future. Within a few years the scoop will be so big that it will obscure most of the windscreen. And, according to my calculations, by 2008 it will be so large that stadium rock bands will be able to host concerts inside it.' Dr Fyve later denied that his calculations were 'Shit'.
OTHER EXCITING WORLD DEBUTS AT BIRMINGHAM
SNIFF PETROL GOES MONTHLY SHOCKER!
That's right! Like payslips, menstruation and What Car? Sniff Petrol is to become a monthly occurrence. The next issue will still clamber onto the interweb in a fortnight but after that it's just once a month for the website Jeremy Clarkson once described as 'almost certainly libellous'.
So, if you like Sniff Petrol make sure you put the first Friday of each month in your diary from now on. Actually, thinking about it, Mr Letts really should have done that for you. I mean, you'd be a bit narked if the first Friday of each month wasn't already there. Imagine if your diary had been like that for several years. In, say, eight years you'd have lost 96 days in which case you currently think it's July and you are walking through the pissing rain wearing a T-shirt and shorts. You clot.
� 2002. Sniff Petrol every fortnight. Next issue 8 November
Written by Sniff Petrol. Thanks to AW, JC and Poo