Created with IMS Web Dwarf from Virtual Mechanics Inc.
Issue 50
May 2004
The no time to think of anything good, this month
BMW's new 1-series has attracted controversy before it's even gone on sale, and that controversy is set to increase following a remarkable revelation about the car's design influences. "It's really not his fault," explained a sympathetic colleague. "He was just getting the 1-series exterior finished when he realised he hadn't resolved the sill detailing. Unfortunately on his way to work he had made a crucial error that had an unfortunate sub-conscious influence on his work - he had bought a banana."
Car designers frequently bang on about the inspiration they have drawn from other areas of industrial design and architecture but this is possibly the first example of drawing ideas from a piece of fruit.
"It's certainly a new one on me," said some bloke in a shapeless linen suit. "When car designers are influenced by organic matter it more usually tends to be muscles or waterfalls or, in the case of the Porsche Cayenne, a big pile of dog shit".

Following the success of Autocar's recent 0-100-0 test involving a remarkable and not-in-any-way suspicious hypercar shootout, sources say the magazine is already poised to top this festival of horsepower. "Having got away with� sorry, I mean organised such a coup I supposed the sky is the limit," noted one media observer and industry spies are quick to back up this theory. Rumours are flying that magazine staff have already booked an exciting series of competitors to slug it out on a completely realistic and not-at-all-motion-blurred-no-siree track and that the test will appear as soon as the designer has got all his clipping paths sorted.
Amongst the new contenders are believed to be the Space Shuttle, the Millennium Falcon, a velociraptor and Elvis Presley. Whilst no one at Haymarket could confirm these rumours, an insider was quick to respond to the claims. "Adobe Photowhat?" he said.

Hm, yes
How the shootout might look.
Actually, there's no 'might' about it
News that Alain Prost has been sighted at Ferrari's Fiorano test track has confirmed what many motorsport experts have feared for some time - the former world champion is stuck in a time warp.
"The Italians are claiming Prost was there to test the Maserati MC12 GT," said Maurice Ital of Every Other Sunday magazine. "But it seems pretty clear to me they're covering up. Prost wasn't invited there at all. For him this was just another day at work. Unfortunately, he still thinks his 'work' is as a driver for the Ferrari F1 team."
An anonymous Ferrari source was quick to confirm these remarkable allegations. "Alain has been turning up here on a regular basis," he confirmed. "He often jumps out of his Fiat Tipo enthusing about the Stone Roses or talking about how difficult it must be to merge East and West Germany. It seems pretty clear, he's become trapped in 1990. I mean, God, just look at his hairstyle."
In fact, experts say it may be that very hairstyle that is causing the ex-champ's unusual confusion: "Alain Prost has exceptionally curly hair," noted Pne Flemby, Head of Mentalist Studies at St. Elmosfire College, Stoke. "It may have put excess pressure on his brain, causing him to lose that last 14 years. Or something."
Whatever the explanation, our Italian mole says the situation in Modena is only getting worse. "No one has the guts to tell him what year it is," he confessed. "It's difficult enough hiding all the extra trophies, never mind pretending there are only two Lethal Weapon films."

Prost gives it large to Acid House music, which he believes to be a relatively new phenomenon
� 2004. Sniff Petrol every month. Next issue 4 June

Written by Sniff Petrol, with thanks to Jim Wood, Ian Eveleigh for the Mozilla fix, and Poo