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FORD ATTEMPTS TO BREAK UP SINKING SHIP

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napoli01.jpgCrowds gathered along the M42 yesterday as Ford detonated a series of explosives intended to break apart the stricken vessel Jaguar-Land Rover which has been stuck on a bank of debt since 1990. After weeks of planning, Ford employees triggered controlled charges on the British car makers’ badly damaged hull with the aim of widening already visible cracks in the corporate structure and making it possible to pull the two halves of the company apart. Salvage experts say it should be possible to keep the stronger front (or ‘Land Rover’) half of the company afloat and, with some repairs, it could find a welcome port elsewhere. However, the badly creaking rear (or ‘Jaguar’) section is thought to be badly holed and may simply be allowed to sink. Sources say it was vital to break apart the two sections of the stricken company before the ‘Land Rover’ section was dragged under by the ‘Jaguar’ half which is already flooded with water, red ink and not car buyers. In the next few days the tug banks Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley and HSBC will attempt to pull apart the two sections of the floundering vessel and plug any remaining money leaks. However, whilst many onlookers now anxiously wait to see if Jaguar will slide beneath the waves, some on board maintain that the badly listing ship can be saved. ‘There is nothing to report here,’ said one spokesman, speaking from the poop deck or somewhere. ‘Jaguar’s future is far from blug-glug-lug-lug-pl-pl-pl-pl…’