Psychologists identify new mental condition

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Brain boffins brand fresh form of mind maddery

Psychologists have identified a new form of mental illness which they are calling ‘Teslosis’.

The symptoms of Teslosis include delusion, obsession, and a powerful belief that specific consumer durables have magical powers, even though they have little-to-no discernible superiority over other, similar objects.

By the same token, Teslosis sufferers will often display signs of ascribing god-like powers to another person and will be angered that non-sufferers refuse to see a ‘genius’ instead of a twitchy-eyed bullshitting fraud.

“Teslosis is a fascinating condition as it seems rooted in a mistaken belief in the supremacy of a very ordinary object,” noted psychology professor Simon Chologee-Prufessah. “From this, we see tremendous anger and irrationality directed at other, newer objects that are almost the same and in some ways better, though any suggestion of the latter will considerably distress the Teslosis sufferer and cause them to obsessively highlight tiny and irrelevant details which they irrationally believe to prove the unimpeachable superiority of their chosen obsession. This delusion is one of the clearest indications of a Teslosis sufferer. Basically, without getting too bogged down in psychological jargon, these people are fucking crazy”.

Other symptoms of Teslosis include a mistaken belief that cars can drive themselves.

“To see this level of deluded, pig-headed madness in people is deeply worrying,” Prof. Chologee-Prufessah acknowledged. “Still, at least some of them don’t think Brexit is still a good idea”.