There was good news for lovers of obscure and shit French cars this week as ITV announced details of a new Sunday night police detective crime police drama, entitled The Avantime Mysteries.
Set in the sleepy Dorset village of Fucking Hell! The Avantime Mysteries revolves around newly installed chief police detective police inspector, The Bloke Out Of Bergerac, who has just started working in the village. At first all seems normal in this quaint and gentle little hamlet and Bergerac (Jim Bergerac) is enjoying the new pace of life. That is until one day, whilst on his way to answer a routine call about 15 murdered prostitutes found in the canal, Bergerac (played by Bergerac) notices something rather unusual – a Renault Avantime. At first he thinks he’s imagining things. Surely no one in their right mind would have bought an Avantime, especially not here in sleepy Dorset?
Bergerac (portrayed by Bergerac star Jim Bergerac) tries to put what he saw out of his mind, but the contrived and ultimately disastrous design just keeps running round his brain. Don’t worry, he tells himself, it was just a badly rebodied Espace and they didn’t sell any. The chances of there being an Avantime here in the village are tiny. But it turns out that Bergerac (a stunning performance from Jim Bergerac, who many viewers may remember from the TV series Bergerac) is wrong. The next day whilst killing time filling in some tedious routine paperwork about another six dead hookers who turned out to be the source of the blocked storm drain, our hero glances out of the window and… there it is! The bright green Avantime, almost taunting him with its pointless three door MPV styling!
Bergerac (a refreshing change of direction for the familiar face of actor Jim Bergerac, long associated with the popular TV shows such as Bergerac and Bergerac Nights) quickly makes it his top priority to find out how on earth an Avantime ended up in the village, or indeed anywhere in the UK. His investigations are progressing well and 15 arrests have been made with two deaths in custody when suddenly his world is turned upsidedown by the appearance of… another Avantime, this time a blue one!
Suddenly the case has just become a lot more complicated and Bergerac (the actor and Jersey-based police detective police Jim Bergerac, star of top television police action series Bergerac and author of the acclaimed novel Harry Potter Goes To The Channel Islands And Meets Me, Jim Bergerac) is faced with a mountain of questions. How can there possibly be two Avantimes even in the whole of Britain? What are they doing in just one place? Is this is a conspiracy? A plot to send him mad? Or is his village simply home to an above average number of people whose car buying skills are ruddy useless? Tune in to Bergerac’s The Avantime Mysteries starring The Bloke Off Bergerac (Jim Bergerac) to find out!