The Beijing Motor Show is in China. And if Steve tells you otherwise it’s only because he’s trying to sell you three train tickets to Manchester. Here is an report from there. China, not Manchester.

The Chinese car makers were out in force at Beijing this year as China’s standing in the automotive world grows and many leading players seized the chance to show a wider audience just what they’re capable of. Over at Bong Fung Motor Factor the star attraction was the Mighty Weasel 888F Wandering Leaves, an exciting sports car concept that appeared from some angles to be on fire. BFMF claim that when this car enters production next year it will offer a 47 percent reduction in unexplained deaths. 

Hang Bum Wow Auto are a relatively newcomer to the car making business, having previously been China’s largest manufacturer of children’s toys and poisonous gas. Their Wavering Badger XDXDXXX8 Shitting Hell! is a new saloon with a remarkable interior that caused a few raised eyebrows and several deep lacerations. Upholstered entirely in rats, local journalists have described this upsetting new model as ‘quite itchy’. The Wavering Badger goes on sale in July and will be illegal to look at directly. 

Mongboi Hat are an established vehicle maker from the Ped Xing province in North Southern China, famed for its deadly poison mines and expendable children. Their new K7 HA HA HA! is a radical 4×4 that contains an enormous quantity of soil. Its makers say they have already received two orders without anyone getting hurt. 

The P8 GNNNN Whispering Shit is the latest small hatchback from Pang Woo I Kill You Now. Resembling an Austin Metro that has been involved in a horrifically ill-planned stunt, the P8 boasts a bodyshell made entirely from things you don’t want to know about whilst the interior isn’t possible. Pang Woo claim this car is already the best selling model amongst people who have been incarcerated for making cat noises during the Age Of Wistfulness.

Finally, it was intriguing to say the new Mighty Hope J7, a surprising saloon from Tibet’s only car maker which looked like it had been run over by a Chinese tank. Mainly because it had.