There was joy amongst linguists this week following the discovery of a new benchmark for slipperiness. Language experts say the new reference point will rapidly become a convention for anything that is beyond the slippery qualities expressed via existing references such as ‘a bar of soap’ and will be known simply as ‘a Mosley’.
‘This new idiom will come in very useful,’ said Dr Andthe Medics, Professor of Talking And Stuff at St Scomemarchingin College, Cambridge. ‘Previous conventions were actually quite limited when it came to adequately encapsulating something that could get away, even when it seemed to be quite impossible for it do so. “As slippery as a Mosley” really does solve that problem’.
It emerges that language fans are not the only ones expressing amazement at this new idiomatic standard. ‘Fuck me, I thought I was a devious twat when it came to getting away with stuff,’ said an eel, yesterday. ‘But it turns out that “a Mosley” has taken it to a new and almost completely unbelievable level’.
‘I’m frankly staggered,’ added liquid mercury, speaking from its home, inside a thermometer. ‘I’ve always prided myself on being impossible to nail down but I think even I would struggle to escape from something that really should have had me bang to rights for being a embarrassing old fart, yet “a Mosley” did just that’.
However, not everyone appears to be quite so impressed with “a Mosley”. ‘This is an outrage,’ said a wall yesterday. ‘People are always throwing shit at me to see what sticks and you know what? Some of it does. Frankly, I’m sick of it. At least I’ve now learned from reading about “a Mosley” that in future if I want to find that, against all righteous expectation, somehow no shit has stuck to me whatsoever, I just need to get my leathery old arse spanked by a German speaking hooker’.
