The Lotus Evora was one of the stars of the London Motor Show, as you might expect from the Norfolk company’s first all new model since the Elise, so with its show debut out of the way Sniff Petrol took the chance to have a good look inside this exciting new sports car.
The first surprise on entering the Evora is just how spacious it is, measuring a good 20 feet across and 30 feet deep with a hard wearing carpet and more than enough room for several racks of clothes. But whilst the sheer space is remarkable, we were slightly baffled by Lotus’s decision to equip the new car with a friendly lady called Susan who told us that other styles were available and asked what size our girlfriend or wife was. Sniff Petrol took the chance to ask Susan about future Evora developments but she remained tight lipped, explaining that she only helped out on Wednesdays and we would have to wait until Mrs Hemsby came back from visiting her mother in Ripon. It was then that Sniff Petrol realised we had got the wrong Evora and were inadvertently poking around a small dress shop in Harrogate.
The actual Evora is in fact rather smaller and, on first impressions, certainly looks striking in a predominantly black colour scheme with dark purple accents. One of the most intriguing technical discoveries is that it appears to run on cider and that, when filled up, it moves around excitedly to the Sisters Of Mercy. We asked if it was possible to get inside and were promptly punched in the face. It was then that Sniff Petrol realised we had got the wrong Evora and were inadvertently standing in The Devonshire Arms in Camden Town trying to check the shutline resolution on a fat miserable goth girl whose real name is Gillian.
The actual Evora is in fact remarkably compact when seen close up, especially in an exciting all white colour scheme. We were especially interested to see that Lotus’s aerodynamic experts have fitted the new model with special wings which we can exclusively reveal are coated with an innovative sticky coating. We asked if we could take it for a proper test to see if it possessed the classic Lotus handling and absorbency, at which point the security guard asked us to leave. It was then that Sniff Petrol realised we had got the wrong Evora and were inadvertently standing in an American pharmacist hoping to go for a spin in the USA’s fifth best selling brand of sanitary towel.
Sniff Petrol was thwarted in its attempts to get closer to the new Evora, but we feel confident that it will lead the class amongst fat gothic dress shops you can shove down your pants. With a really stupid name.