There was grave concern this week as a leading scientist warned that an ongoing series of experiments could result in a massive black hole that would destroy the entire planet.
The experiments in question concern a device called the Grand Tadron-Relater (GT-R) which is being fired at increasing speeds around a 5.15km loop known as the Recherche Institute Nucleaire Grandvitesse (‘RING), situated in the German countryside.
“This whole experiment is ridiculous,” says Professor Ken Freeply of Nigel Havers College, Kettering, the scientist at the centre of the empty headed doom-laden blathering. “The GT-R is being sent around the ‘RING every week and every time it does the speed at which it completes the loop is inexplicably getting higher and higher. According to my extrapolations within as little as 18 months it will be circling the entire ‘RING in around 32 seconds, at which point a fatal black hole will be created”
“Of course the black hole won’t actually be caused by the sheer speed of the GT-R,” Prof. Freeply added. “It will most likely result from the sheer weight of tedious argumentative bollocks posted about it on the internet”.