Spyker still getting to grips with SAAB

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The SAAB factory, yesterday
The SAAB factory, yesterday

Just days into Spyker’s ownership of SAAB, sources in Sweden say the Dutch company is still getting to grips with its new purchase.

“For sure it has not been easy,” said Spyker spokesman, Mjetro van den Plas. “When we turned up at the SAAB factory to get it started again we were a little puzzled that we could not find the lock. It was only after a while we realised it was not in the normal place on the door but for some reason had been placed on the floor about two metres away”.

There was more confusion when Spyker’s representatives gained entry to the factory, something that immediately caused all the lights to come on, even though it was the middle of the day. “They’re still on now,” Mr van den Plas confirmed. “We thought there must be a switch somewhere but we just can’t find it. We’re starting to think maybe we need to take the factory to a dealer and get the lights re-programmed or something. We’ll have to do something for sure because it is making us look like tossers”.

However, strangely placed locks and annoying lights aren’t the only problems to face the Spyker team now settling in Sweden. “Why is everything in the canteen an airline meal?” asked one member of the Dutch contingent. “And why do I have to ‘check-in’ every morning, then spend two hours loafing around the factory branch of WH Smiths before I can go up to my office? This company has nothing to do with aeroplanes so why do they keep pretending it does?”

Nonetheless, Swedish insiders say the Spyker team are slowly getting used to SAAB’s quirks and that many of them are now happily adopting the company uniform a nice black roll neck, some fashionable black framed spectacles and a pleasant, reasonable personality. Furthermore, sources claim Spyker is delighted to note that the SAAB factory seems to be extremely comfortable and quite well rust proofed. It is also said to feel very well thought out. Unlike their idea that SAAB can keep competing with BMW and Audi.