What ho homies! Crazy Dave Cameron iz speaking wiv you from da, like, south side. Da south side of me house, innit. So what me wanna speak wit’ you about, like, is dat we iz got a problem in dis country, know wha’ I iz sayin’? Dat problem is Mr Gordon Brown, who is Scotch and a battyman, innit. He ‘az made like a mess and dat of our roads and ting. So what I iz wantin’ to arks you, cos you iz people what like cars and dat, iz what you iz wantin’ me to say that iz goin’ to make you vote for me and dat. Cuz it don’t matter wha’ it be and that, I iz goin’ to say it, ya knaaa, I iz gonna like reprazent for you. You want da roads to be like mended and dat? You want like no more of dem speedy camera shit? You want like better flowin’ motorways and dat? I iz like ready to promise like anyting you want, ya knaaa? And den when I iz like totally like livin’ in Downing Street and dat, I iz hactually going to like totally ignore you and pretend to be like interested in da environment and shit. Ya get me? Oh blast, one of the ponies has trampled into the breakfast room. Ta-ra.