BRITAIN’S MOST EXASPERATED CAR ADVICE COLUMNIST
Dear Honest Al… I can’t decide between a brand new Fiat Panda my local dealer is offering me for £5995 or a friend’s three year old Ford Fiesta which he will sell to me for a similar price. What do you think? PD, Leeds
Honest Al replies… I think what you should do is make up your own fucking mind instead of bothering me with your dismal, mimsying problems you tit-wiping knobgossip.
Dear Honest Al… My 2005 Toyota Yaris has started making a strange grinding noise. My local garage says it might be because I haven’t pumped up the tyres once in the five years I have owned the car. Are they right? JS, Watford
Honest Al replies… Jesus fucking Christ, yes. You should always check your tyre pressures regularly, even if you are a cockstrappingly massive monghat wasting my frigholing time, you ballbag.
Dear Honest Al… My two year old Skoda Fabia was recently stolen during a burglary at my house and later discovered burnt out. Will the standard three year warranty cover this? SH, Rugby
Honest Al replies… Mother of fucking Buddha, what the shitting hell is wrong with you? Send me your fucking address. I’m coming round to smash you in your milky dismal face until you learn not to bother me with your cretinous dithering, you pig legged turd biscuiter.