Land Rover adds spice

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There was surprise last night as Land Rover announced that Victoria Beckham will be acting as a design consultant on its new Range Rover Evoque with its fuquing ridiqulous name.

Whilst many car commentators were quick to question the shock move, a Land Rover source explained to Sniff Petrol that this is part of a much larger design plan. ‘We’ve actually hired all of the Spice Girls,’ the spokesman said. ‘Posh will look after the Evoque because this model is too light and available in a horrible shade of orange. Also, from some angles it looks like a freaky skeleton with two grapefruit halves sellotaped to the front of it. No wait, on reflection that only applies to Victoria’.

Our Gaydon insider reveals that whilst Beckham looks after the Evoque, the family orientated Discovery will be redesigned by Baby Spice Emma Bunton, who is 34. Meanwhile, former Ginger Spice Geri Halliwell will take responsibility for a brand new model of Range Rover which features large headlights and a sat-nav that never fucking shuts up.

Finally, Scary Spice Mel B will be paired with the equally pikey Range Rover Sport and Sporty Spice Mel C will be responsible for the Land Rover Defender because they’re both a bit rough.