‘Ello ‘ello ‘ello. Detective Inspector Blundell done be filing a report. On Sunday 27 June I done be in the Valencia area of Spain when I done observe an IC1 male, Mr Mark Alan Webber, who done gone collide with what done be the back of a green Lotus vehicle driven by another IC1 male later identified as Heikki Johannes Kovalainen. The force of said impact done be making Mr Webber’s vehicle proceed in an upwards direction what then done be followed be a downwards direction. His vehicle then done proceed at some speed directly towards what done be a wall of tyres what done prevent him from proceeding any further. Mr Webber done be lucky to then proceed out of his vehicle without having done be doing himself an injury. Approximately 20 minutes later I done receive a call from a Mr Alonso who done claim he been robbed. I recommend that Mr Alonso done be charged with wasting police time. Over and out.