Proton reveals design consultant

Article image

Last week Land Rover announced that it had appointed skeletal awfulness fountain Victoria Beckham as a design consultant. Now Proton has revealed a similar scheme involving an association with fat idiot Dane Bowers out of forgotten ‘90s boyband Another Slice.

‘This is a very exciting opportunity for us,’ said a spokesman for Malaysia’s third best car maker. ‘Dane has recently visited our studio in Phuking Hel during which time he ate two of our clay models, got this weird green stuff on all the chairs, and made an extraordinary mess in one of our lavatories’.

Sources say the Croydon-based grunting oaf has already made several suggestions to Proton’s design department including the idea of fitting the dashboard with a cake rack and somewhere to keep crisps.

‘Dane has been very useful in exterior design too,’ said a Proton insider. ‘For example, he recently sent us a jam smeared fax suggesting that we take visual heft out of a forthcoming design by making it wear a stupid body warmer so no one notices how massively fat it is. He also said something about ways to cover up its gurning inability to dance properly but we’re not clear on that because there was a blob of grease obscuring the rest of the sentence’.