Red Bull rewards N3WE-Y

Article image

Red Bull have rewarded chief design robot ADRIAN N3W3-Y for making the team into title contenders by giving him some hair. The N3W3-Y’s new barnet has been harvested from the team’s own Sebastian Vettel who is able to grow hair at an extraordinary rate.

‘This is a win-win siduashun for Red Bull,’ said team boss Christian Horner in his weird pretend Dutch accent. ‘We’ve been able to transform the ADRIAN into less of a massive slaphead and at the same time temporarily minimise the amount that Seb resembles someone who has recently left a boy band in order to record a dreadful solo album’.

The N3W3-Y unit itself was equally delighted with its new top cover. ‘I am experiencing feelings of a positive nature,’ it said. ‘This makes me look two-to-the-power-of-ten-divided-by-five years younger’.