With British tennis hopeful Andy Murray now a Scottish loser, home grown F1 stars Lewis Hamilton and Jenson Button have vowed to do the country proud at this weekend’s British Grand Prix by copying the techniques of the England football team.
‘Lewis and Jenson watched all of England’s games and that really gave them some inspiration,’ said a McLaren insider. ‘You’ll see the results of that in front of their home crowd as they drive aimlessly in the wrong direction, dodge dangerous situations that may impede their ability to do lucrative corporate work, then about two thirds of the way into the race claim to be tired and just give up entirely’.
Sources in Woking say spooky team boss Martin Whitmarsh has also been inspired by watching England in the World Cup and will employ a new management style based around inexplicably failing to use his best drivers throughout the race, relentlessly backing people who can’t do their job properly and being completely unable to speak English. ‘I… errr… do you… errr… make telephone number for… errr… Michael Andretti?’ he quipped yesterday.