Hot on the heels of the news that Jacques Fucking Villeneuve hopes to field a Formula 1 team in the 2011 season, all other F1 teams have announced that they are leaving the sport.
‘I’m afraid we will not be in Formula 1 next year,’ confirmed a senior member of one well known team. ‘We just find F1 a bit, erm, noisy. Yes, that’s it. Noisy. So I’m afraid we’re not going to bother next year’.
Other teams were equally quick to confirm their departure. ‘This season will definitely be our last,’ said a long standing team principal. ‘It’s all that overseas travel you see. We just don’t like foreign food. It’s a bit spicy and it’s always got bits in it. So next year we’re going to stay at home’.
Other excuses behind next year’s mass exodus include ‘It’s a bit pricey’, ‘We’ve got to give the lorries back to my brother-in-law’ and ‘I think it’s giving me an achey knee’.
One well respected engineer was quick to add that since there would be no teams except Villeneuve’s in F1 next year, the whole season probably wouldn’t happen. ‘If I was thinking of taking part in Formula 1 in 2011 I’d have second thoughts. But then I wouldn’t be surprised if lots of the races looked like they were going ahead and with all the teams that said they weren’t going to be there. That’s just because, erm, the teams have left some lights and the radio on so they, errr, seem to be there, y’know, just so their old pit garages don’t get burgled’.
One leading FIA source later added that this unprecedented departure of all existing teams was ‘completely natural’ and nothing whatsoever to do with Villeneuve’s extremely annoying voice and face.
