Audi in pointlessness pickle

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The new Audi A7, yesterday

There was embarrassment in Germany today as Audi was forced to admit it couldn’t remember the point of its new A7.

‘We are pretty sure we had a point in mind when we started,’ admitted a spokesman. ‘But that was quite a while ago and we are, as you say in England, buggered if we can remember it now.’

One senior Ingolstadt source said they were ‘almost certain’ there was a piece of research that suggested a number of buyers were looking for a car that was inexplicably bigger than an A6 but not as big as an A8. ‘I’m pretty sure I saw it in a meeting, erm… somewhere,’ she said. ‘But I am, as you say in England, fucked if I know when.’

‘There must be a reason for it,’ said another insider. ‘I mean, it’s not the sort of thing you would just dream. Even though it’s a massive luxury car that’s also a hatchback, which is, as you say in England, twatting silly.’

One senior Audi manager admitted that the company had already formed a committee with the express intention of thinking up a reason why the A7 wasn’t a waste of everyone’s time. ‘We have to come up with something fast,’ he admitted. ‘Because frankly we are, as you say in England, shitting ourselves.’

‘There must be some point to it,’ our mole continued. ‘Having looked at the car in profile again, I wonder if it was something to do with a defecating dog’.