Proton is set to wow crowds at the forthcoming Paris Motor Show with a radical hybrid concept car based around the Malaysian company’s exclusive relationship with slowly inflating pop buffoon Dane Bowers, formerly of boyband Another Pizza.
The radical new experimental model uses a system dubbed GasolineDaneBowersDrive which works by pairing a conventional petrol engine with the raw power of Dane Bowers resentfully groaning away on a set of pedals in the boot for periods of up to 20 seconds per hour.
‘We have looked into gasoline-electric hybrids,’ said Proton Director of Engineer Things, Dr Zbidi Bidi-bidi. ‘But they were too complicated and fiddly. The genius of GDBD is its simplicity, marrying the proven power of a conventional motor with the less well-known benefits of a profusely sweating oaf.’
Proton sources say the GDBD prototype on display at Paris will be based on the never-popular Gen-2 but with several modifications including uprated suspension to take account of the substantial weight increase brought on by having Dane Bowers in the car and drain hole in the boot floor to allow all the sweat to escape.
‘We believe GDBD is the future,’ Dr Bidi-bidi continues. ‘Obviously this is a first generation system and there are problems to overcome in the areas of noise emissions and fuel consumption. Specifically, a way to stop Dane grunting and demanding cake all the time. Also, during early trials with our engineering prototype, he got a lot of weird green stuff all over the seats and left such an appalling mess in the spare wheel well that we’ve basically had to scrap that car and start again.’