Lotus announces new idea

Article image
The new Lotus Elite concept, yesterday

Lotus today announced a concept called the Elite, ahead of the car’s official unveiling at the Paris Motoring Show.

‘That’s right groovers,’ said a Lotus spokesman in a cheesecloth shirt. ‘Our boys have cranked up the Slade, wolfed down a fondue and got cracking on this exciting new 2+2. Trust me, this baby is going to be more popular than the Morecambe & Wise Christmas special!’

Hethel sources say the Elite will be joined by concept cars dubbed Esprit and Eclat and that the trio are tipped to enter production ‘by the start of 1975’.

‘We’re going to take Lotus upmarket for the first time,’ said another Lotus spokesman in a suit with extremely wide lapels. ‘I mean, what could possibly go wrong? It’s not like we’re going to do anything crazy like try to compete with Porsche and Ferrari but find our quality standards are woefully short, causing our business to repeatedly fail, struggling on through successive owners, eventually coming up with a front-wheel drive roadster which we then kill off after less than three years before ultimately deciding that the past 20 years have been a complete waste of time and getting back to doing lightweight sports cars which is what we should have stuck with all along. I mean, that would be silly.’

A source later attributed any fucking stupid ideas about moving Lotus Cars upmarket to the Engineering division’s recent experiments with a prototype time machine. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said, ‘It’s based on the Elise chassis.’