The North American International Auto Show is as much of a fixture on Detroit’s calendar as the All American Expo of Gun Crime or the International Crack Whore Festival. This is what the Big Three got up to this year. At the car show, obviously. What they did at the guns and hookers things is basically unprintable.
Ford went in hard with ecological technology at Detroit this year, featuring a raft of new models including the Focus Mossfucker plug-in hybrid and the C-Max TreeHomo full electric minivan. The company also showcased a new efficiency technology for mainstream cars dubbed LameAssHippyTech and, on a different tack, a 6.2-litre supercharged variant of the F250 pick-up truck provisionally called the Super Awesome Let’s Fuckin’ Do This Thing HELL YEA!
Over at GM, green innovations were very much the order of the day with a new estate variant of the acclaimed Volt petrol-electric range extender hybrid called the Chevrolet Doucheman. The rapidly recovering auto giant also unveiled some clever electric car technology labeled PinkoCommieObamaTech and a raft of new mild hybrids which will wear the badge of the company’s new eco sub-brand, LiberalFaggot. It wasn’t all about the environment, however, as GM also unveiled a brand new 7-litre version of the GMC Yukon SUV called the Super Freedom Sweet Ass Truck God Bless America Edition Hammertime RAAAAAAAA!
Finally, the Chrysler stand was home to two facelifts, some second-hand Fiats and a sign saying ‘If you find our dignity please can we have it back’.