BIG BOTTOMED BEAUTY BLASTS BENZ
“You think I wanna drive your Benz, I don’t” sang Jennifer Lopez, the singing ass, in her popular song, My Love Don’t Cost A Thing. Now the Puerto Rican star has explained the logic behind that assertion, and it isn’t good news for the Stuttgart-based manufacturer.
“I can’t stand foot operated parking brakes”, spat Lopez in a recent interview, “Their steering wheels are still too big and why do they persist with that one, overloaded column stalk?” she demanded. But those aren’t the only gripes for the brings-her-own-cushions singer, “Mercedes automatic gearboxes are class leading”, she continued, “but they have never made a truly satisfying manual change. Even the latest C-class has a disappointingly mushy clutch action that makes crawling through traffic needlessly difficult. Where-oh-where is the BMW-rivalling crispness to the lever action?”
Speaking exclusively to Cosmopolitan, the plump rumped diva was equally scathing about Mercedes’ declining quality standards; “Mercedes used to spend over eight years developing new models and it showed. Remember the solidity of the W124 or W126 and then look at the current E-class. It’s disappointing. I only hope the new SL and replacement E-class, codenamed W211, will restore some much need quality to the plastics and overall perceived solidity of their interiors or this lady’s takin’ her business elsewhere.”
Mercedes-Benz aren’t the only targets for the round-buttocked belle, as this sample lyric from upcoming single, Watch Ya Back, demonstrates:
“Watch ya back boy / You put me through hell / Compared to European competition / Volkswagens don’t handle well”
A spokeman for Mercedes swiftly countered Lopez’s comments; “She’s got a big bum”, he sniggered.
