BMW LAUNCHES MONKEYTRONIC
BMW is to launch a revolutionary new option for the 7-series which it claims will take on-board driver aids to an entirely new level. The new system, dubbed Monkeytronic, is based around a live chimpanzee that lives in a special hole in the centre console and crawls out on demand to help with everyday tasks like setting the climate control and turning on the headlights.
Thanks to an intensive training programme, the chimp also makes a major contribution to active safety. If it senses that the car is about to slide it will grab the steering wheel and apply the necessary amount of opposite lock. BMW also claims that Monkeytronic can perform subtle steering corrections to 
offset the effects of a strong crosswind and, if so desired, will be able to activate the cruise control and then hold onto the wheel, allowing the driver to do other things such as make a phone call or eat a big sandwich.
Monkeytronic will be available only on the range topping 7-series for the moment but the same technology is expected to filter down to lesser models as the price of specially trained and shaved monkeys falls. Not to be outdone, arch rival Mercedes is said to be planning a similar system for the next generation S-class, tipped to be called PuertoRicanOrphanmatic.
