Toyota changes mind

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There was shock amongst car enthusiasts this week with news that Toyota has changed its mind about making a rear-wheel-drive coupe.

After years of rumours followed by concept cars, spy photos, brochure leaks, the release of production specs and – finally – first drives of the long-awaited GT 86, sources in Japan say Toyota has experienced a sudden change of heart and ‘literally can’t be bothered’ to build the already-announced sports car.

‘We used to be really into this,’ said an anonymous Toyota insider. ‘But then we had a meeting to decide between the GT 86 and a facelift for the Avensis and I think we all surprised ourselves with just how much we’d all rather concentrate on the Avensis. So that’s what we’re doing. Sorry’.

Toyota’s sudden volte-face might sound like bad news for Subaru, their partner in the rear-drive sports car project. ‘Actually, we’re not bothered at all,’ said a senior Subarist. ‘Frankly, we went off the whole idea ages ago. A Subaru coupe with no turbos or four-wheel-drive? We must have been mental to sign that off. We were going to tell Toyota that we’d lost the designs or something but now they’re not bothered either, we can scrap the whole thing and get back to making a series of saloons and estates that don’t quite look right. Sorry.’

Subaru’s stance was reiterated by our Toyot-o-mole. ‘It’s important for us to get back to our roots,’ he explained. ‘Unfortunately, our roots are making extremely ordinary saloon cars rather than acting as a sort of masturbatory aid for helmsmiths. Sorry.’