Land Rover to announce new Spice Girl tie-up

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The new Range Rover being secretly photographed, yesterday

After successfully hiring Victoria Beckham as a design consultant for the Evoque, Solihull sources report that the forthcoming new Range Rover will benefit from a new alliance between Land Rover and Ms Beckham’s former colleague, Geri Halliwell.

‘The Range Rover is a British icon,’ said a Land Rover insider. ‘And Geri once wore that Union Jack dress so, um… it all, you know, erm… Look, she just turned up at the design studio one day and just kept yabbering on about crystals or some bollocks so we gave her some pens and a bit of paper to shut her up.’

Land Rover staff who have seen the still-secret new car say that Ginger Spice’s influence is surprisingly far reaching and includes details such as attention seeking headlamps, a pointlessly noisy horn and a sat-nav system that says ‘like’ every third word and then completely forgets about giving you directions because it’s too busy driveling on about ‘girl power’ even though it appears to have very little sense of what that might actually mean.

‘It’s all quite unbelievably annoying,’ said one engineer. ‘But at least it’s safer than the prototype we made with Scary Spice. The glovebox bit me, the airbags turned out to be fake and it tried to run over Eddie Murphy.’

Despite this Mel B-related failure, Land Rover sources say plans are already afoot to involve other Spice Girls in future product development. ‘Baby Spice would be a perfect fit for the new baby Land Rover,’ said one insider. ‘We also think Sporty Spice and the Defender go well together since they’re both a bit rough.’