Crazy Dave

Crazy D at the 2012 German GP

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Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave Coulthard comin’ atcha with a bulbous package. Of highlights. Hot diggety. So las’ weekend we slide on over Deutsch side fo’ tha German G Piddy. Excellent organisatizzle.

Come tha three stage go-or-go tings get interesting cuz suddenly it get wetter than a ladies’ water polo team when Crazy D walk past rockin’ tha tighty whitey jeans. Fo’ shiggedy. There be thunder an’ shit an’ it be messed up out there. High levels of precipitationizzle.

So ma boy Tha Ham be lookin’ sweet on tha street but then some other cats be all up on he’s shit and he be slidin’ down. And who this be slammin’ it on tha one slot but ma buddy Nando. Man, that homie must have gills. Peerless in difficult conditionizzles.

So, next day, come tha five an’ out, that paella eatin’ muthaflumper be drivin’ away like it Christmas Day. Behind he, there be some mad shit goin’ down wit’ ma brothers Sebby V, Mickey Schu and ma main man K Raikk but tings ain’t so gravy fo’ The Ham. He got some shit goin’ in wit’ he’s rubber. And that ain’t good, know wha’am sayin’ fellas? Bad shit also be goin’ down fo’ ma bro Filly M cuz he be gettin’ in a smackdown and we ain’t seein’ much of he again all afternoon. Yet another completely inadequate performancizzle.

Up tha pointy end it be lookin’ like Nando got tings all he own way, but then who this be comin’ at him like a cat? It’s ma homie Jenny B and that brother is on a charge. He be droppin’ Sebby V in tha dust and ready to take down F Nandiddy like a supermodel’s panties. But then he be flippin’ some yellow G2 shit and suddenly tings ain’t so gravy. He be fallin’ back and Sebby V be on him like ladies of a certain age on Crazy Dave. Sure enough, Tha V be makin’ move and he make it stick but it ain’t legit. Going off the track to gain advantagizzle.

Come tha fizz and rotoflags, Sebby V be on tha twos but he don’ know tha stewards about to take he down. So, tha leave Nando on tha ones, my homie Jenny B on tha twos and that promoted mumbly muthaflicker K Raikk on tha threes. Nuff respec’.

Join us again next Sunday when we’ll have another comprehensive highlights programme from the Hungarian Grand Prix, starting at 5:30pm on BBC Two.