Crazy Dave

Crazy D at the Abu Dhabi GP 2012

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Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha in a smart casual stylee. So las’ weekend we slide on over UAE side fo’ tha Abu Dhabi Gee to tha Pee and man, tha championship is gettin’ hotter than Crazy D in da desert. See, dem tighty whiteys leave no room for air to circulatizzle.

Every brother be in full effect fo’ tha three phrase fly aroun’ but there ain’t no one can touch my boy Da Ham on tha Yas Maz track. That cat be flyin’. Only homies who be stayin’ even close be ma brosephs from tha ReBu cuz ma boy M Web be slammin’ it on that twos wit’ Sebby V on tha three slot. But tings ain’t all gravy fo’ tha Vetster cuz he be told to shut it down out on tha bright blues. Story is, he be outta juice. Not somethin’ that evah happen to Crazy D, know wha’am sayin’ laydeez? Tha Man from the Fiddy Diddy Aye Ay be sayin’ there ain’t nuff fuel in Tha V Man’s car and he be sent to tha back of tha grizzle. Man, that be some screwed up shit. Someone in tha team gonna be makin’ an appointment fo’ Monday mornin’ at the Mizzle Keynizzle job centizzle.

So come tha Sunday red five an’ come alive, it be Tha Ham that fly away, M Web be caught snorin’ and who be this slidin’ up the side? It’s that mumblyass muthaflunker K Raikk. There be some slidin’ and a-slammin’ goin’ on in tha pack but Ham he be sweet like a discount chunky buckle store while Nando, Jenny B and tha homies be fighin’ behind him. But who this be slippin’ through tha crowd like a smooth criminal? It be tha pit lane startin’ gangsta Sebby V. Softlizzle softlizze catchizzle monkizzle.

Meanwhile, there be some bad shit going down wit’ ma buddy Rainy K and when tha homie slow, my main man NiRo be flyin’ like a fox. Them brothers lucky to come outta tha shit wit’ they heads still on. Dramatic racizzle incidizzle.

Up tha pointy end, Da Ham is lookin’ sweet but then, what this shit be goin’ down? That dude be up tha creek and the engine jus’ failed on he’s paddle. Hot damn, tha lead be handed to K Raikk wit’ Nando on tha twos and Jenny B chillin’ on threes in tha Arabian seas. But there be some purple ass shit in he’s mirrors an’ it ain’t ma retired-on-lap-37 muthaflumper M Web. No, it be that cool cat Sebby V and, man, he be in tha groove, slammin’ it past The Butmaster and keepin’ he eyes on tha prize. Quietly commandizzle performizzle.

Come tha waved tablecloth it be Raikkmeister on tha ones, Nando on tha twos and Tha V makin’ it sweet on tha three slot. An’ guess which former driver be drivin’ tha laydeez wild by interviewin’ tha homies on the podiumizzle? Yea, tha’s right, it be Crazy D on tha M I C in tha place to be. Fo’ sho’. But what this be goin’ down? El Raikko and Svetty L be throwin’ out some swears and then tha smiley ass, pointy fingered punk be pourin’ tha fizzy shizzle all over tha D’s smooth groove blazer and shirt combination. Maximum disrespect muthafucka. Maximum disrespect. Somebody gonna be receivin’ a dryzzle cleanizzle bizzle.

Join us on BBC One at 10:30pm on Sunday 18 November for full highlights from the USA Grand Prix when I sincerely hope Sebastian Vettel will be thwarted in his attempts to become 2013 Formula 1 World Champion.