Renault-Caterham deal cancelled

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Just days after Renault and Caterham announced a landmark deal to co-operate on future sports cars, the partnership has been cancelled after a delegation from France struggled to get into the British company’s factory to sign important paperwork.

‘It was raining when we arrived at the Caterham factory,’ said an anonymous Renault insider. ‘We tried to get inside the building straight away but there were a lot of zips and, ‘ow you say, press studs that needed to be undone first.’

Our source notes that the problems did not end once this incredibly fiddly process was completed. ‘Once we had folded back the black canvas flap that covered the entrance to the Caterham factory there were still, ‘ow you say, many problems,’ our insider admitted. ‘Our managing director did not know whether to go into the Caterham factory forwards or attempt to enter it, ‘ow you say, arse-first. It was all, ‘ow you say, très undignified’.

Sources say in the end the Renault management team grew tired of getting all wet and gave up trying to get into the Caterham factory, preferring to get on a train instead. As a result, the Renault-Caterham tie-up has now been cancelled.

‘Bugger,’ said a Caterham spokesman. ‘I suppose it’s time for plan B. We just need to prepare styling models of six different new cars and get a few inexplicable celebrities to announce them. Oh, and does anyone have a phone number for a bullshitting megalomaniac…?’