Following today’s news that Toyota is to recall 2.7 million cars for a steering fault just a month after a recalling 7 million cars worldwide for an unrelated window switch problem, company boss Akio Toyoda has finally lost patience and is demanding that all customers ‘just give us the fucking cars back.’
‘I’ve had it with you people,’ Toyoda ranted at an emergency press conference in Toyota City this morning. ‘We thought you wanted affordable, well-made cars but no, you just want to keep finding problems. “Oh no, my window switches smell hot”, “Oh dear, I can’t tell the difference between the brake and the accelerator!”, “Ah! Help! My steering don’t work so good!” And out of the goodness of our hearts we keep fixing your problems. Well not any more. You can’t be trusted with our cars so we want them back. ALL OF THEM.’
Toyoda concluded his extraordinary outburst by suggesting that people should ‘buy a Renault or a fucking Chrysler instead’ and that they should ‘see how far you get when the cocking door falls off… WHICH IT WILL’. The Toyota CEO then hissed ‘good luck’ in a sarcastic manner, shouted ‘Remember! Cars back, scumbags!’ and left the auditorium.
Across the world Toyota customers expressed shock and some confusion at Toyoda’s outburst. ‘Woah, do I have to give it back, like, right now?’ said Jim Cantilever of Bakersville, California who owns a 1984 Tercel and has almost finished paying his dad back for it. ‘I kinda feel bad for complaining that the passenger side window sometimes doesn’t shut properly. Hey do I have time to, like, get my CDs out of it?’