Crazy Dave

Crazy Dave reports from Brazil 2012

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Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha fo’ the las’ time this season. So las’ weekend we strip it down Brazilian style for tha Gee diddy Pee of Brazil an’ man, it all to be decided. Will tha championshizzle go to Sebby V or Tha Nando? Will Fo’ Rrari or MC Laren be tha first of tha muddleflippin’ losers? What kinda 1970s curtains will ma man Eddie J cut up and make into a shirt to wear on yo’ televizzle? Yea, tha’s right, Crazy D made a funny. Feels like tha endizzle of termizzle.

So come tha Sat’day fly to survive, ain’t no cat comin’ close to ma homies at the Mac Daddy Larazzle. Only brothers who be getting’ close are ma so solids from the Rezzle Buzzle and they be on a row two lock down wit’ tha stalkin’ horse Nando down on tha sevens, two places behind ma homecomin’ hombre Filly M. No need fo’ dirty side fake gearbox problem shenaniganizzle.

Come tha red cinco, tha MCLs be flyin’ away but tings ain’t so gravy fo’ tha ReBu boys cuz M Web be getting’ a fluster on and Tha Vetmeister be slammin’ it wit’ BruSen and some bad ass facin’ tha wrong way shit be goin’ down. Excellent reversizzle skillizzles.

It be lookin’ like tha big trophy be goin’ to Fiddylonso but then it all go up in tha air cuz now it be wetter out there than a laydeez beach volleyball team when Crazy D unleash tha special extra tighty, super whitey jeans. All them cats be switchin’ up they rubber ‘cept fo’ ma homies Jenny B and Tha Hulk and, holy shee-at, ma boy Hulky B be slammin’ it past Tha Buttmaster and takin’ tha ones. Shame it don’ last cuz later on he be makin’ a itty bitty error, gettin’ into a smackdown wit’ ma buddy Tha Ham an’ takin’ tha boy down fo’ which tha stewtards give he a drizzle thrizzle penaltizzle. To Tha D, that seem like some unfair shit. Acceptabizzle racizzle incidentizzle.

Man, this be some crazy ass race. We got homies changin’ places all tha time, we got spinnin’, we got tha championshizzle hangin’ by a muthafluckin’ thread, and we got ma homie K Bash pullin’ some cool mad shit all over tha place. Man, that cat be drivin’ round on permanent opposizzle lockizzle.

Crazy D be so on tha edge of he seat, he worry that it leave a line on he’s light coloured strides ‘til, at las’, some mother pull out tha table cloth and tha race be done. Come tha fizz an’ flags, it be Jenny B on tha ones, Nando on tha twos and tha blubbin’ ass local boy Filly M on tha three slot. But tha full nuff respec’ be going to ma brother Sebby V cuz that cat be tha three-time-in-a-row muthafrickin’ world ass champion. Hot damn. Jus’ deserts fo’ a classyizzle performancizzle.

An’ that be it from Crazy D fo’ now. Peace out, homies. Peace out.