BMW announces inexplicable thing

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The new two-door M5, yesterday

Just days after releasing details of a new four-door M6 coupe, BMW has revealed a baffling two-door version of the M5 saloon.

‘Ja, that’s right,’ confirmed BMW spokesman Beaemm W. Spokesmann. ‘We are making a two door version of the four door car that was the basis of the two door car that became a four door car. It is part of the same philosophy that caused us to badge a 3-series with a 2-litre engine as a 328i. As you Britische would say, we are fucking with you.’

Munich sources claim that the inexplicable two door M5 will be followed by other equally perplexing new models including a 5-series Touring saloon, a short-wheelbase version of the 760Li and a coupe based on the 6-series Convertible.

According to Herr Spokesmann, the new model onslaught is part of BMW’s plan to become ‘the world’s most confusing car maker’ by 2015. However, industry experts warn that the German company’s ambition may be thwarted by the continued existence of Proton which has completely baffled everyone for over 20 years.