In a surprise announcement, Kia has promoted Peter Schreyer from Chief Design Officer to Chairman of the entire company. Following this rare elevation of a designer to the top job, Sniff Petrol has obtained this exclusive transcript of Schreyer’s first board meeting at the head of the table.
Moon Jong-sun (Director): First order of business Mr Chairman, sir. To agree level of corporate financial support for fourth quarter 2013 dealer incentive programme in United States market, based on current market projection data.
Peter Schreyer (Chairman): Erm… distinctive fender surfacing?
Moon Jong-sun (Director): I’m sorry, I don’t understand.
Il Hyung Kim (Director): Perhaps we should move on to another agenda item. Mr Chairman, are you happy to approve preliminary discussions with key local governments with a long term view to establishing a brand new production facility in South America, operational target 2018?
Peter Schreyer (Chairman): Errrr… sporty stance, dynamic DLO?
Il Hyung Kim (Director): With respect Mr Chairman, that makes no sense.
You Chul Yoon (Director): Might I suggest that we return to this matter later. Moving on, Mr Chairman, would you be able to authorise the currency hedging projections for financial year 2013-14 and in particular those relating to maintaining fiscal stability across established contracts with Tier 1 suppliers inside the Eurozone?
Peter Schreyer (Chairman): Ummmm… aggressive A-line, youthful down-the-road graphic, erm… something about tumblehome?
All (Directors): Get out.