Exciting discovery in Leicester

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A car park, yesterday

There was excitement in Leicester today as scientists confirmed that a recently excavated area in the centre of the city is indeed a car park.

‘This brings to an end years of uncertainty,’ said Leicester councillor Lester Cownsellar. ‘Ever since this piece of land was discovered, the people of this city have been unsure if it was a car park, an area for a weekly market or just one of those places that smells of piss and at dusk contains five surly kids doing inept stunts on their skateboards. Now, at last, we know.’

Today’s discovery is likely to have far reaching repercussions, especially for people who live in Leicester and want to visit shops and businesses on nearby Friar Lane. ‘I look forward to being able to use the car park,’ said local resident Lowcull Rezidennt. ‘Just as soon as those fucking archaeologists stop digging it up to look for dead kings.’