First details of new HSV Commodore

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The new Commodore (top) and how the HSV version might look (bottom)

Following Sunday’s announcement of the new Holden Commodore, sources at the company’s HSV tuning arm have promised that the forthcoming high performance edition will build on the reputation of its predecessor by being at least 87 percent more moronic.

‘We’re not pissing about here,’ said HSV’s Director Of Advanced Engineering, Shane-o. ‘When we started this thing we got together our best guys. Shane-o, Shane-o and Shane-o. But not Shane-o ‘cos he’s a poof.’

Having outlined the key personnel on this project, Mr Shane-o went on to give an interesting insight into the HSV development process; ‘So first thing we did, right, was crack open a few cold ones and watch the game. Then we went to the beach. A few weeks later we remembered we had to make a bloody car so we knuckled down and concentrated on getting through a slab of coldies then we went outside and threw some rocks at a tree.’

Although the end result is being kept under wraps for now, Shane-o did reveal some details ahead of the official launch later in the year; ‘It’s not fucking difficult mate. Big wing, massive wheels, paint it the colour of a parrot’s balloon knot. Oh yea, I almost forgot. A supercharger the size of Shane-o’s head. And you haven’t seen Shane-o. He’s really fuckin’ fat.’