Merc reveals future S-class innovations

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The new S-class interior, yesterday

Mercedes has teased the next generation S-class with a first look at the interior and news of the amazing technology it will contain.

One of the most noticeable dashboard innovations is a configurable instrument cluster incorporating a new feature called Hofftronic in which the dials are replaced with a 3D rendering of tight trousered cheese typhoon David Hasslehoff who dispenses helpful information such as ‘You are indicating right’, ‘Woah, we need to stop for gas’ and ‘Revs, revs, revsrevsrevsREVS’. Hofftronic will be standard in Germany.

The new limo’s seats are equally innovative featuring a system called Farttronic in which the driver’s flatulence is captured, stored and used when the car is parked to keep the interior warm, if also rather smelly. As an optional extra, and likely to be very popular in the prestige limo hire business, is Stoolmatic which allows the driver to take an actual poo whilst the car is moving.

Another advanced feature is the next generation cruise control, Chauffeurmatic, a system so sophisticated that it takes complete control of the car and invites the driver to retire to the back seat where they may take advantage of comfort features including Cigartronic, Logfiretronic and an innovative drinks system, Ginandtronic. As an optional extra, they may also enjoy Suckysuckytronic which promises to offer a level of oral pleasure comparable ‘to a very high class prostitute’.

The new S-class will go on sale when it decides it is ready.